...

i am back here again.

i find myself cooped up in my room, wasting precious time lying on my bed questioning my existence, questioning my art, questioning my identity...

no, there's nothing wrong with me, but there's something really wrong with my mind. at least i think there is, i really don't know. all questions seem to lead to one main question, who am i? 

am i really me, or am i a projection of who i want to be? as much as i love what i create, i find something lacking in them and i think, it's me. i see kangblabla everywhere for sure, but where am i? have i lost myself in becoming kangblabla? i can't tell whose thoughts haunt my mind, whose aesthetics guide my process, whose emotions i use... who is writing this?

i don't know. i have been slowly dying inside and realizing that nothing i am doing has a point. should it have a point? it annoys me how fickle i have become. what do i want? where do i want to go? what do i want to explore, learn, produce, experience?

i don't know is what i can say. i don't know is my only answer these days. i know i hate not knowing, but i don't know how i really feel about that. 


argghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...this isn't helping.

do or do not, there is no try.

i am a strong believer in doing.

if you want to do something, do it. then, repeat.




if you don't for any reason, just means you don't really want to do it. end.

"power ultimately corrupts, hence anarchy."

kebab land

*i felt the need to make this public.


i want to be someone who leaves an impact. i want to die knowing i changed the world somehow, be it good or bad. when we read stories of people who made a mark in society, we often get inspired or disgusted by their words and actions, hence proving the point where one person can change the perspective of an entire species. i for sure would like to be credited for something that leans more towards the positive side of course. i would like to give back to society through my craft, be it educational or practicality or perspective on life itself.


my perspective is all about finding balance, achieving total understanding and mutual respect amongst every individual who all share different views and perspectives.


why can't we all accept one another's views without imposing on others? to be a total center where everything and anything can be alright and everyone can have their way in respect to everyone.


sounds like i'm dreaming of a utopian state, doesn't it? many have told me that this is impossible.


i'm not saying that the world i dream about will allow everything to be acceptable, for sure things that imposes one party's rights will not be tolerated, such as crime against another. i can put my foot down and say no to that. what i meant about being in the center is to fully understand where one individual comes from and find ways to incorporate their views in a way that creates balance and will not discriminate or violate others.


surely this can't be bad, can it? in this scenario, everyone wins and what we get is equality. no one is better or superior to the next. strip away nationality, race, religion, economic status, political views, moral values, culture, motives, aren't we all human beings? homo sapiens? we are classified as a species and beyond that when we bring every other creatures that resides on this planet, aren't we all just living beings? we all are alive and isn't that what makes us the same?


stop making excuses that we can't come together to unite as one. we are all we got. Yes, a lot of sacrifices and compromises have to be made. can't we make them for the sake of everyone?


this is my way of life and i want to be part of something where we all can benefit from each other and not parasite. i believe we all are the same despite our physical differences. our views and perspective come from where we are in the world, how we're brought up, access to information, education and our cultures. imagine if everyone was exposed to everything and not kept in the dark, and have the same full access to information so we can relate to each other more. this may sound like a new world order but what we have now is a splintered, divided world order. the goal here is to achieve true unity, one that comes from understanding, equality and respect, not from something fragile as tolerance. tolerance has a limit. one has to give up something and that will create dissatisfaction and it's just like a ticking time bomb, it'll explode.


when we unite through understanding, respect and equality, we are not giving up anything really so it wouldn't become a problem. i believe if we come together on this, we can really then achieve something great at faster rates as the 'little' distractions that separate us won't hinder our progress as a planet.


juliusrajamanickam. kangblabla.

i love sammich

i just want to put it out there that i love sandwiches very much. if you ask me where shall we go and eat, 9/10 times my mind drifts to sandwiches with a side of fries

"i believe therefore i see."