i am back here again.
i find myself cooped up in my room, wasting precious time lying on my bed questioning my existence, questioning my art, questioning my identity...
no, there's nothing wrong with me, but there's something really wrong with my mind. at least i think there is, i really don't know. all questions seem to lead to one main question, who am i?
am i really me, or am i a projection of who i want to be? as much as i love what i create, i find something lacking in them and i think, it's me. i see kangblabla everywhere for sure, but where am i? have i lost myself in becoming kangblabla? i can't tell whose thoughts haunt my mind, whose aesthetics guide my process, whose emotions i use... who is writing this?
i don't know. i have been slowly dying inside and realizing that nothing i am doing has a point. should it have a point? it annoys me how fickle i have become. what do i want? where do i want to go? what do i want to explore, learn, produce, experience?
i don't know is what i can say. i don't know is my only answer these days. i know i hate not knowing, but i don't know how i really feel about that.
argghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...this isn't helping.